I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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