i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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