Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
