he fucked my hip out of place.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
this is an emotional support booty call
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
