Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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