I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
