Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
