Have you finally orgasmed yet?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
