Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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