you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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