Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
