I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
