i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
