Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
