maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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