I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
