you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
