Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize