I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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