he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize