I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
