I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
