So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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