I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
