some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
