do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
