you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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