dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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