i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
