Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
