Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
