took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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