I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
