Pants 0. Shit 1.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
