fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
