Yo dont text me then not text me
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
