Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize