i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
