Well douche your snatch and let's go!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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