the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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