I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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