Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
