I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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