Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I want is dick and wine.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
