i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
