Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im drinking this country out of the recession.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize