You made me cry and you don't even care
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
