I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
