Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize