Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
