Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
