my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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