People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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