Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
