He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
