My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
