When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
