Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
