she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
