Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
