So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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