just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize