Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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