is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
