are you so shy because you have an std?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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