And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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