I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
