I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
