My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
